25 Of The Best Military Jokes And Sayings

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25 Of The Best Military Jokes And Sayings

Some people question whether it is possible to be amusing about the Military due to its connection with war and fighting – how can there be such a thing as military jokes?

However, our Life Daily researchers found that here are jokes and sayings about every conceivable subject, and the military is no exception.

Perhaps it is not so surprising that those serving in the armed forces find humor in the most unlikely settings. The very size and nature of the military means that there are a vast number of opportunities for things to go wrong.

As Murphy’s First Law states: “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” – and nowhere is that truer than in the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marines

Murphy's First Law Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong

Not all of the jokes and sayings are directly connected to battle, indeed many of them are simple wry comments on how the military operates – or doesn’t!

Take a look through our selection and perhaps you will better understand that military humor can, in fact be funny!

1. If it moves, salute it; if it doesn’t move, pick it up; if you can’t pick it up, paint it

if you can't pick it up, paint it

2. Any military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted

3. If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike

call-in-airstrike

4. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small
5. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything
6. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush
7. All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets… printed at different scales

8. Military Expert: One who tells you what’s going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn’t

Military Expert One who tells you what's going to happen tomorrow – then tells you why it didn't

9. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map
10. We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction
11. All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins

12. If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation

13. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: When you’re ready for them / When you’re not ready for them
14. A good many people feel that our present draft laws are unjust; these people are called soldiers

15. Recoilless rifles – aren’t!

Recoilless rifles – aren't

16. If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly
17. Smart bombs have bad days too
18. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music

19. My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel

emphasis on military apparel

20. The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little while longer
21. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire

22. Any ship can be a minesweeper… once

Any ship can be a minesweeper… once

23. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
24. There are three types of intelligence: the intelligence of man, the intelligence of animals and the intelligence of the military… in that order

25. If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don’t

If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't

So, what do you think about military jokes now? Any readers who served in the military probably identify with many of the sentiments expressed.

Maybe you have your own favorite joke or saying that you’d like to share with us? You can tell us in the comments feed below.

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