12 Great Groucho Marx One-Liners About Marriage

12 Great Groucho Marx One-Liners About Marriage

Julius Henry Marx – better known as “Groucho” – died in 1977 at the age of 87. His distinctive appearance of the exaggerated stooped posture, heavy black glasses, cigar, and a thick greasepaint mustache and eyebrows, turned him into an iconic figure still identifiable today.

His quick wit and rapid-fire impromptu delivery made him one the greatest “one-liner” comedians of all time.

Groucho made 13 feature films with his siblings, and they were always referred to collectively as the Marx Brothers. In later life he pursued a successful solo career on radio, and then TV.

His private life was not so successful, and all three of is marriages ended in divorce. He always went for women younger than himself – much younger! His first wife, Ruth Johnson was 19; he was 29. His second wife, Kay Marvis was 21; Groucho was 54. He married for the third time when he was 63 and his wife, Eden Hartford, was 24!

Groucho once described his perfect woman as: “Someone who looks like Marilyn Monroe and talks like George S. Kaufman.” Whether any of his wives met those criteria is not certain, but it seems that Groucho’s experience of marriage definitely spawned his cynical view of it.

These one-liners about marriage speak for themselves:

  1. As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife
  2. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
  3. Here’s to our wives and girlfriends — may they never meet!
  4. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along
  5. I’ve known and respected your husband for many years, and what’s good enough for him is good enough for me
  6. Marriage is the chief cause of divorce
  7. Marriage is a wonderful institution – but who wants to live in an institution?
  8. Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse
  9. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open
  10. Why was I with her? She reminds me of you In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
  11. Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first
  12. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman And behind her stands his wife

Perhaps now you can better understand how Groucho’s experiences led to his one-liners about marriage.

Did you identify with any of them? Do you know of others that we missed?

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