15 Really Great One Liners

A “one liner'” is a short joke which can be told in one line. Many stand up comedians use this device, with some of them using it for their entire act.

There are so many really great one liners it’s difficult to know which to choose.

But not all comedians use one liners, some prefer use the “Shaggy Dog Story” approach.

This is an extremely long-winded anecdote of typically irrelevant incidents ending in an anticlimax or a pointless punchline. It derives its humor from the fact that the joke-teller holds the attention of the listeners for a long time for no reason at all as the ending is meaningless.

However, in a world where attention spans are diminishing, and even news is reduced to 30-second sound bites, one liners are more popular than ever.

We think we have managed to select some really great one liners.

Check them out:

1. Jimmy Carr:

I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’

2. Steven Wright:

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

3. Demetri Martin:

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

4. Ben Bailey:

I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.

5. Woody Allen:

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

6. Tommy Cooper:

I’m on a whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already.

7. Doug Benson:

In Seattle, they have a saying: ‘If you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.’

8. Doug Stanhope:

There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

9. Sam Kinison:

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

10. Lenny Bruce:

The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.

11. George Carlin:

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

12. Conan O’Brien:

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, ‘Jesus! This cup is expensive!’

13. Jay Leno:

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.

14. Joan Rivers:

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.

15. Larry David:

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

What do you think about our great one liners?

Who is your favorite comedian? And why? Do you have a one liner you would like to share?

You can let us know by making use of the comments feed below.